Wenaaaass
Hi ya!!
Ok I
know you may have heard many of the stories. But I’m gonna tell you mine any ways.
This is a long story so it is gonna be in 2 parts.
I
had always had a big problem with the food. I love it but IT seems not to like
me much. People who know me Now would not ever think that I was a size XS(45kg)
once.
Ok
let me tell you how things went.
As I developed I was really skinny. Why? I did not like to eat. I was always picky when it came to food. The only thing that I loved was sweets (the devil).
Since I
was 13 or so I was a size x-small (45 kg). Things changes after getting birth
control pills (normal) when I was 16 and I was 50 kg back them.
Why I got them?
I had too much pain during my period. So Doc decided to give me them to try to
make it less. But guess what? That is an other story.
Any
way after that I started gaining weight. But that was normal so I did not
worry. After I got to 55 kg I was getting worried. Not that bad but for me it
was a big thing. So I started working out. Why?
I guess I was worried of not fitting in my cloths.
Did it work? Not
much. But I still got a lot of muscle toning and that was fine to me. But I was
starting to get obsessed with the weight thing. So I ran 5 days a week with my
dog and exercised 6 days a week, took my measurements once a month or anytime
anxiety hits me. And I wore a corset every day. Ow and I stopped eating sweets
as much as I could and went on a diet.
Now that I sit and think about it, I think I was anxious about growing up maybe. I was not really conscious that I did not really want to grow up.
But you know what happen?
I kept gaining weight. So I
went to the Doc to change the pills cause I was not planning on getting to
chubby without having to earn it. So he did but it did not help so he had to
change it again. So then it was the struggle of gaining weight, varicose veins
and the menstrual cramps. And don’t forget getting migraines. Those pills where
horrible. Damn it is had to be a woman!!
So I
kept gaining weight even I was on diet and worked out. Till I injured my self
so bad with the abdominals that I had to stop for approximately 3 moths. The
thing was that my lower ribs are to open so when I was doing abs the bones rubbed
too much on the muscle and I got a horrible blue blood mark under the skin. It
was even difficult to walk so no abs till I’m healed.
CATASTROPHE!!
At
that time I was 58 kg more or less. But I was thinking that I was too thick cause
I am 1.58 cm high. But life is a bitch and yes after 4 moths of barely no exercise
duh I was gonna gain weight. But not much cause I did not eat. I was starving
myself. Still I got till 60. At that moment I said fuck this. I’m not gonna fight
it anymore (not that much) in those moths of “forced laziness”. So I kept to
the starvation and it was so printed in my head that I could not leave it. In
my mind I had that FOOD WAS MY ENEMY!! Still now a days if I smell food and I
feel like I’m gonna puke. After that I kept the
corset and was lacing myself in every day and did only arms and legs in
exercise. But I started dancing. I always loved to dance. But I was to busy working
out that I did not have time. So 3 times (or more) a week I would take off my
corset. Massage ma belly and then do belly dancing.
Then I did stop measuring myself that much
(once in 3 months) but I kept worried about not gaining too much weight.
Trust me the feeling of difficulty to walk fast bothered me to much. Cause my legs are short so with the weight gain it would be difficult to move around. But I could not do much about it.
I did not know better about eating techniques or
diet and stuff. I was just cutting out things and that was it!
To be
continued……..
