Stupid comments

I’m a about to rant a bout something for a moment cause this makes me really angry. So angry that I can not hold it in anymore.
It’s about stupid comments. For not to call the person who did it stupid himself.And it’s when they say: oh you don’t look sick at all!!

Oooh wait a minute, should I look sick for your amusement?

Why do you wanna see my suffering?

Why?

Does it make it any better?

Does it make you feel any different about me?

Does it make you feel better or happy?

Who said I wanted you or anyone to feel sorry for me?

Why can’t you appreciate my advanced disguise technique?

Does it make you unhappy to see me smiling and looking as nothing is happening?

Why do you wanna see me sick damn it!?

Some people make me so angry!! They just do not think before they say it.

I’m not telling you not to think of it. But analyze if it would be ok to say what is on your mind.

Now you said it.

Thanks for reminding me how sick I really feel, you damn fool!!

Thanks for your good job. I was just about to believe myself that I was ok and you ruined it.  Thank you damn it!!

Now I won’t be able to go true my day like I normally do and just have to face my reality at night.

Thanks to you I’ll have to deal with it all day. And won’t be able to get back to my pretend happy happy world for a few days cause you and your damn stupid comment kicked my fragile wall down.

Let me tell you something you are an ass hole!!

Thanks for putting more stress on me and not helping for me to get better.

If you don’t want people to tell you something like this hold your damn tongue and think first

Some random post of a poem

Hi. Today I can only post this poem because can no set my mind straight to do anything. I have to solve my life first then I’ll be full time back. I hope this may be to your liking.

Pain

Silent and fast it clings to my bones

It sucks life out of my womb,

Blurs my mind

And slows my path

Eats me alive

And diminishes my soul

Puts me in to its special corner

Where I can obey it and only IT

Suffering for it to grow

Feeding it with my sorrow

But yearning for it to leave me be is caring water with bare hands

There is no other way then to take the numbing path

And pray for it to obey orders

Of foreign entities that come to lay it to sleep

But has no mind to understand

And keeps trying to lure me in to its dark prison

There is no way away

It’s the dark or the shadows

Awake but crawling and begging for mercy

Or high and seeing my life pass by

With it singing its song to my ears

Sadly this is the chain to my ankles

The chains to my hands

But will not lower my voice

Cause caged birds still sing

I know what living in pain is. But no mater how difficult it is to go on. We must make something good out of it. Even if it is the most little thing. That is why we are still alive. And as long as you are aware and can communicate, live. Live like there is no tomorrow. Because you may never know when your pain may end. For good or wrong. 

What you see is what you get

Wenaaaass Hi ya!!

So I’m gonna give you once more something to think about again.

Have you ever bought a toy or something that afterwards did not fit your expectations and you got so angry that you wanted to break it in to pieces and flush it down the toilet cause it is crap?

Ok if you get it hold on for the ride. If not try to follow cause you’ll get it on the way.

I gave this exact example to show that what you see is what you get. A nice looking crap.

Mhm that is what you get when you get when you hang out with people for there looks. And don’t get me wrong I’m not against good looking people. Cause there are “ugly” people inside and out.

When are we gonna learn that we should choose people for the good in there hearts?

But noooh!! Our men and woman keep being this stupid (most of the time). 

You see there apparent beauty and there you go like puppy wagging your tail to that stranger. You did not try to know that person to see if he/she may be dangerous to your sanity or integrity? No!!  And if you did try to know that person you probably wanted to know there body and not there mind. Cause the body is what does the trick. 

Why people why?  

Is the mind/ heart of a person more important?

So if they come out with a surprise you can’t blame them. Cause you have put yourself in that position. Cause before you bought that toy you did not check if it used batteries or if it even works.

So why do we get aggressive later when thing go wrong? 

Ask yourself who’s fault it really is. Yes YOU!! Cause you did not wanted to know what you where getting. So don’t get upset. Learn from you mistakes and move on!!

I know you have to be physically attracted to people you are with. But is that the only important thing? 

No right?

Some people don’t realize that looks change with the time. 

And when what you liked is gone for ever, what are you gonna do? 

Push that person away?

You can’t do that. 

That is not nice or fair for that person or for you maybe. 

Using people is horrible. 

It leaves people feeling empty, used and dirty. 

Would you like something like that for yourself or for someone you love? No right?

So please don’t do that. Learn to know people and select who you put in your life carefully. 

And be sure to love them.

Weight catastrophe (part 2)

Wenaaaass Hi ya!!

This is the second part of my story.

Some time later after that I moved out of my parent’s house for a year and when I came back I was 45 kg again.

Why?

Starvation caused by depression. At school they got really worried cause I was not the same person. So I had to go to a psychologist and she called my mom and told her to forced feed me cause I could be anorexic if I kept on like that. So I had no choice. I had to eat. But she was so sweet to make me the things I liked most. And I had no problem Cause I was stable at home. Still depressed but not as much. So I got till 60kg in 2 years of eating my mama’s delicious food.

Then 2 years later an other catastrophe happens. I was diagnosed with endometriosis. So now I had to take a treatment that would makes 90%of people gain weight. Damn it!! Again!! 

But as nothing breaks me, it only bends me. And I went for it!! 

At that time I was already 63 kg and after 2 treatments in 2 years I was 70kg. I was not sad or anything I had accepted my new faith. No kids but I looked like a mama. Pfff what could be worst? But I still looked sexy so what ever.

But it did not stay till there. I had 2 years no birth control pills so I maintained my weight for the first time till one day I noticed that I would wake up and my cloths that where loose the night before where tight on me. So that was weird!! Then I noticed that my normal cloths would not fit.

Alarm! Alarm! That stupid weight gain is back. Why me? Why?

Ok so I said I need to loose this for good!! Started exercising and drinking herbal eats to loose weight. But nope I went till 90kg. Pfff why me? So I went to the Doc and told him I got 20 kg in 2 moths. To do something or do something. And besides the weight gain I was swollen and stiff for days and some times I would get blue blood spots for no reason. So mega creepy for me. So he did some test and could not find out what was going on. But he kept testing till he found out that my thyroids where working to slow ( hypothyroidism). So I got meds for that and send to a specialist to check it out and do further tests. Ok so I went to this doc and to make long story short she told me I have negative testing rheumatoid arthritis. And that weight that I got I would not loose it very easily. Ok an other thing to deal with. More problems!! 

But as I said I never break I just bend.And here I am saying to the hell with any problem and rocking the curves. 

Still trying to stop thinking that food is my enemy. But I can not eat what ever I want. But now I eat more variety then I did before. I just know now what to combine and when to eat it and how much to eat. And of course accepting my self with this big booty and big boobs. I don’t really cry about my bell anymore cause a corset is a bit of a no no for me cause I have nerves system damage during all that time of the endometriosis pain time and stuff. I still use it but I do not lace myself tight in it. It is just to give some shape to my body when I have to wear something or preparing for a photo shoot. Any other moment I am FREE.

I eat balanced and don’t stress about being skinny and stuff. Now I just take care about everything to look and feel smooth and always looking Cute. But of course you can not totally change, if I gain weight I would be so sad. But loosing it does not really bother me that much as long as I am “healthy”.

I hope my story may be helpful or supportive for other people that may have the same problems. And in my case my problem was not about what people said of looked at me but who I saw and looked at myself. And that is harder to change BUT NEVER IMPOSIBLE!!

So don’t worry be healthy and happy :D

Weight catastrophe

Wenaaaass Hi ya!!

Ok I know you may have heard many of the stories. But I’m gonna tell you mine any ways. 

This is a long story so it is gonna be in 2 parts.

I had always had a big problem with the food. I love it but IT seems not to like me much. People who know me Now would not ever think that I was a size XS(45kg) once.

Ok let me tell you how things went.

As I developed I was really skinny. Why? I did not like to eat. I was always picky when it came to food. The only thing that I loved was sweets (the devil).

Since I was 13 or so I was a size x-small (45 kg). Things changes after getting birth control pills (normal) when I was 16 and I was 50 kg back them. 

Why I got them? 

I had too much pain during my period. So Doc decided to give me them to try to make it less. But guess what? That is an other story.

Any way after that I started gaining weight. But that was normal so I did not worry. After I got to 55 kg I was getting worried. Not that bad but for me it was a big thing. So I started working out. Why?  I guess I was worried of not fitting in my cloths. 

Did it work? Not much. But I still got a lot of muscle toning and that was fine to me. But I was starting to get obsessed with the weight thing. So I ran 5 days a week with my dog and exercised 6 days a week, took my measurements once a month or anytime anxiety hits me. And I wore a corset every day. Ow and I stopped eating sweets as much as I could and went on a diet.

Now that I sit and think about it, I think I was anxious about growing up maybe. I was not really conscious that I did not really want to grow up. 

But you know what happen? 

I kept gaining weight. So I went to the Doc to change the pills cause I was not planning on getting to chubby without having to earn it. So he did but it did not help so he had to change it again. So then it was the struggle of gaining weight, varicose veins and the menstrual cramps. And don’t forget getting migraines. Those pills where horrible. Damn it is had to be a woman!!

So I kept gaining weight even I was on diet and worked out. Till I injured my self so bad with the abdominals that I had to stop for approximately 3 moths. The thing was that my lower ribs are to open so when I was doing abs the bones rubbed too much on the muscle and I got a horrible blue blood mark under the skin. It was even difficult to walk so no abs till I’m healed. 

CATASTROPHE!!

At that time I was 58 kg more or less. But I was thinking that I was too thick cause I am 1.58 cm high. But life is a bitch and yes after 4 moths of barely no exercise duh I was gonna gain weight. But not much cause I did not eat. I was starving myself. Still I got till 60. At that moment I said fuck this. I’m not gonna fight it anymore (not that much) in those moths of “forced laziness”. So I kept to the starvation and it was so printed in my head that I could not leave it. In my mind I had that FOOD WAS MY ENEMY!! Still now a days if I smell food and I feel like I’m gonna puke. After that I kept the corset and was lacing myself in every day and did only arms and legs in exercise. But I started dancing. I always loved to dance. But I was to busy working out that I did not have time. So 3 times (or more) a week I would take off my corset. Massage ma belly and then do belly dancing. 

Then I did stop measuring myself that much (once in 3 months) but I kept worried about not gaining too much weight. 

Trust me the feeling of difficulty to walk fast bothered me to much. Cause my legs are short so with the weight gain it would be difficult to move around. But I could not do much about it. 

I did not know better about eating techniques or diet and stuff. I was just cutting out things and that was it!

To be continued……..

Assuming

Wenaaaass Hi ya!!

I’m back. Yes I know that I said I was gonna be more constant but shit happens. So lets move on.

Today I wanna talk about some thing that happens to people a lot lately.

I’m talking about assuming things.

Let’s say you hear a story and you don’t get all the details. What do most people do? Assume something.

Is that the right thing to do? NO!!

Cause when you assume something it may not be the truth. You may judge people wrong and that is not fair.

What is fair?

Asking what happen, so you know from them what happen.

It is bad when the media (radio, news papers, TV and internet) do this. Cause the ruin your reputation without asking what happen so the get the hole news. And most people believe blindly what the media says.

But what is the saddest is when the people around you and those who should know you better assume, judge and believe rumors about you.

That is the most heart breaking thing ever. Cause you expect them to support you in hard moments. But they choose to let you down even they should be your witness that you are not what rumors say about you. They should know you better then what other say about you.

Let me try to put this in A case and 2 outcomes

Case: A marriage altercation and the woman wants divorce and say that the man held her hostage and abused her. But nobody has been harmed actually.

Outcome 1: Assuming

You hear that and say yes he is an abusive man and hit her that is why she wants divorce. That man is seen as a dangerous person and the woman is the poor victim. And you don’t know anything more. Just what you assumed.

Outcome 2: Asking

They ask what happen and you get both sides of the story with details. And realize the truth about what happen.

What really happened!!

He was never home so she felt alone and started getting attracted to other people. He felt like he was loosing his family and wanted to talk to her but she did not want to talk anymore cause she thinks it is waist of time talking about the same thing they have been talking about for the last year. And did not want him to convince her of trying again for nothing. So she starts walking away and he grabs her by the hand and makes her go to the room so they can talk where nobody can disturb them. And maybe the will make love after the make up there minds. But things went wrong and her husband starts acting like a paranoid freak that will not let her out of the room till they talk it out. So she feels “afraid” now. And does not what to see him again cause she sees that crazy look in his face. But he did not harm her in any way. He did not get aggressive or insulted her.

What a drama for nothing!!

Maybe yes he had lost his mind there. Who would not if you see what you worked so hard for get flushed down the drain?

His beautiful wife, his kids, house, car and the dog.

So now! What is more satisfactory?

To know the truth or assuming something and really not knowing anything?

You may sound like you are nosey. But if that person wants to tell what happened pleas DO NOT ASUME! It is not fair for none of the implicated.

So people ask. Asking makes you “wiser”. And it will not hurt to know the truth.

My biggest love

Wenaaas Hi ya!!

I was sick for a few days/weeks. But I’m a little better now so here it is.

This special occasion I want to dedicate this post to the one I love the most.I love many souls in my life but this one is special.

He loved me before I was born.

His love kept me safe when the doctor broke my collarbone when I was born.

And He kissed it every day for it to heal.

He gave me his and his mothers name after a week of birth.

He gave me big and gracious gifts and others not so gracious.

He called my name and told me to fully accept him when I was 10. 

Showed me how much he loved me no mater what.

Made me free so I could see the difference. 

But was and is always there even if I never ask for help.

He is always there waiting to embrace me and show me that no one will ever love me more.

Yes he is My Father. My Holly Father.

Some may go nuts about me calling him just my father. But that is who he is. 

Don’t misunderstand me; I have a (human) father. But he is a totally different story. 

I’m a good girl and surround myself with those that know and trust in how good I could be and am. My holly Father knows me better and sure knows that with me what you see is what there is. Nothing else. Nothing to hide and no second intentions.  

Even if I may fail him in some way, he knows that I’m just a little human that needs to learn by herself. And that my sense of curiosity may get me in trouble but never to deep cause he taught my mother how to teach me to choose for better. To know what is good or bad. To know when I had to stop or push more (art that I didn’t master yet) And to know when to shield my self with him. Cause as my father that he is he is there to protect me and care for me. My Father is always there. I’m not saying that I have never been harmed. That what happen to me was all to make me stronger. 

If nothing ever happened to me I would not be so aware that he loved me so much to answer every time I called. 

And that kind of love could only be corresponded with more love. 

That is why no mater how small my faith may be I will hold on to my father that loves me. Cause after all he is the only one that have that will never leave me.

I’m not doing this to tell you to search for God (your father) but to tell you how good he was to me. Just for the sharing ;-) To inspire  is better then commanding. :D 

Hope you liked the story. Happy Valentines Day 

Two sided knife

Wenaaaass Hi ya!!

Lately I have been receiving some chain messages that got me a little upset. This kind of thing always had bother me. I think that some people don’t really watch out what they send to others.

I’m talking about chains that may be telling you a joke, a prayer or something and after wards telling you that they wish you the best but if you don’t pass this on certain amount of persons you’ll get bad luck and what so ever.

What is that all about?

Are you telling me a joke or are you passing some kind of bad energy/thought around? 

I mean really, what is that?

You show love to me or you wish me the worst? 

You can’t like send me a chain saying God loves you but if you keep this to yourself you will die.

Think for a second.

What that say about you when you send something like that to someone?

You are sending out a double sided blade/knife and if I get cut is it only my responsibility and problem?

Hmm well in my opinion it is not. Do you understand what means: what comes around goes around?

Do I have to explain it?

It is easy. 

When you send that kind of message you are sending subliminal message wishing wrong to an other and asking others to do the same.

(Raw description) It is like have unprotected sex with a person that fornicates around.

Easy equation

You+ that person= you get there germs and they get yours. 

That other people that this person has sex with has sex with get ya’ll germs and pass it on to other.  And so on. 

Ewww :S

Who’s fault? 

Us all. You for trusting someone and having unprotected sex (not so guilty but more naïve) and that person for thinking that sharing and accumulating germs is cool.

Soooo…..

Now one more point. 

The difference between wishing wrong and warning of something. 

Warning is: if you keep on behaving like a jerk, someone will snap and hit you some day. That is something that may really happen.

Not that if I don’t do what you want I’ll get hit by a car or something. That is crazy! 

Some say that you should not believe in them that is why they send them any ways. 

Aaaaam Contradictory again. If you don’t believe in it why send it?

If you don’t believe in it CUT IT OFF and then send your joke or prayer or what ever it is. 

Doesn’t it sound better like that? With no bull sh*t.

That is when we don’t think and doe for doing. With won’t bring us anywhere in life.

I hope you got the point of this. And that you would think about it before you send something like that.

We are perfect

Wenaaaaas Hi ya!!

I wanted to start this year with something more positive then normally

It’s about Perfection in human beings.

You look around and what do you see? Human, walking souls carrying bones flesh and amazing features. A party of eyes, lips, ears, noses, hair, body shapes and skin tones. Different ways of moving, sounds and smells.

None of them are the same even how much the look a like. All of them Perfect in there own way.

Yep Perfect! In some way.

As far as we understand perfection does not mean the same to us all. What you like and think is perfect must not be perfect to me or somebody else. It depends on what brings up that good feeling in you.

People may have there own opinion or feeling about how they would like to see you or some other. 

But doesn’t it depend on how comfortable you feel the way you are?

If you feel okay all natural or with make up, dressed in a certain way or not dressed :p

If you think you need a cosmetic fix to be your view of perfect, it all depends on your own taste.

People are art pieces. 

Some of them do not look that appealing but there is always gonna be someone that would stare at it with dreamy eyes, wondering about this beautiful art.

Come on even Quasimodo had his beautiful side.

Yeah I’m being funny now. But yes he was sweet to others, even when some where afraid of him and treated him like a monster.

Of course Quasimodo beauty was inside but that counts to right?

You know why people rejected him?

Because they only saw his hump on his back and his not much appealing face.

But did they knew how much of a good person he was or how much he could love Esmeralda?

Nooooh!!!

People search for what is perfect or normal.

But what is normal?

Nothing really is. 

That normal thing is just a standard. And is it necessarily the best thing for you? 
No

So it depends again if it is good for you or not. If it brings that good feeling to you or not.

The point of perfection is that thing that gives you that good feeling that makes you feel that this is the right thing or person or situation.

So never judge a book by its cover. But search for the history inside. Appreciate everyone how ever they are.

A new year

Weeeeenassss, Hi ya!!

Bon aña tur hende!!

In our language (Papiamentu) here on Curacao means Good year to you all.

First I want to wish you success in all this year. That all you want may get accomplished.

Second I want to thank you all for reading what this highly opinioned lady has to say. And to really taking me serious when I gave some advice. Thank you so much cause I know I’m not doing the for nothing.

And last I want to apologize for not being constant. But Things happen and I got drifted away by uncontrollable situations. I know. I know no excuses. And I’m not intended to give you excuses. I’m just explaining cause you deserve that.

Any way. That little situation is behind the back and now it is time to get back on track.

This year I’ll try to bring more of other things that I would like to talk about but not forgetting what I’m here for. And of course telling you more about me.

So now!! Let this year be awesome!!

Be good and responsible.

Love you all.

Susy